Wednesday, September 11, 2019

Cool Mornings

September 11. Cool out. Probably should have worn a different jacket. Chilly at the bus stop, but the bus is warmer.

Tomorrow will definitely require a coat and maybe a coffee.

Sunday, January 7, 2018

The other side of drug abuse and addiction

Or what people don't hear or know about from those of us who are partnered with the drug abuser or addict.

Drug Abuse - The habitual taking of addictive or illegal drugs.
Addiction - The fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, think or activity.
Addict - A person who is addicted to a particular substance, typically an illegal drug.

Late 2016 was the beginning of a downward time in my life. It started abruptly from my perspective. One day everything was fine and the next I was thrust into a sorted mess of addiction and abuse.

My partner, M and I lead a quite life here in Denver. He worked for a large international company in Aurora and I worked retail. We had made a good life for ourselves, we bought a house and were happy; or I thought. Little did I know what awaited me in the latter months of 2016. A downward spiral that almost saw us loose our house and lively hood.

Being the one who wasn't using meant I was the one who was left to maintain, everything. From that emerged ANGER, RESENTMENT, GUILT and FEAR. Let me explain and examine each one.

ANGER - This manifested in several ways and at different times over the month of use. I was angry at my partner. I was angry at our "friend". I was angry at the drug. I was angry at the dealer. I was angry at myself.
The anger at my partner and "friend" were pretty much the same. It was an anger that was directed at them the whole time, because they were in a place that they didn't care about anything but the drug. I was angry at the drug for doing what it was doing to my partner, changing him into someone I didn't recognise. The dealer for the same reason. The anger toward myself was because I didn't say, "enough", or "no". I was weak and wanted to see them happy, and didn't think of the cost.

RESENTMENT - Simply resenting him because I was stuck to manage the entire financial situations with the limited funds available after money was taken and used for the drug.

GUILT - This is mine personally. The guilt is very profound. It stems from not taking a stance on the use. Not doing something sooner to prevent it. Not just saying, "NO!".

FEAR - This is a powerful one. It motivated much of my inactivity during the months. I was fearful of loosing my partner if I was to say, "No more." I was fearful of violence stemming from the same. I was fearful of loosing everything we owned to the drug. I was fearful that I would ultimately loose my partner to the drug.

I think the saddest thing about all of this is the fact that the one using the drugs fails to see all that is going on outside the pipe and the torch. They don't see the hurt because the drug won't let them. They don't see the dark figure looming in the background just waiting for that moment when control is lost and they are his for the taking. They don't see the pain felt by others who see them change and become distant, wanting only the drug and those who can provide it. They don't see those of us who are left to pick up the pieces of our lives because we are afraid to loose them and ourselves.

After the use stops, those of us who sat outside the pipe find ridicule when we attempt to talk about what we went through. We are blamed for making it up, that they, "weren't like that", "I didn't do that", "don't blame me or that, you did it." We aren't allowed to discuss anything we had to go through because of the blaming, anger and changes to the users mental state.

Recovery options are always available to those that have used drugs. This a good thing, however, what options are there for those of us that have stood by and had to experience, the other side of drug use and addiction?


What is a witch? What does a witch look like?

Seemingly easy questions. No so simple answers to be sure. Just as there are millions of people on this planet there are equally hundreds of "versions" of what a witch is.
From Hollywood, to real life. Can you spot the real witches? How do you know there isn't one on the bus with you, flying in the same plane, eating in the booth behind you. Fact is that most of the time you won't know. Not every witch wears a pentacle or some other identifier.

So what does a witch look like?

Or this?
Maybe this?

You can see that a witch can and will look different from one person to the next. Hollywood created the stereotype with the Wicked Witch of the West. It is up to us to move past that and show what a witch really looks like.

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Now my search begins for a local group centered on Traditional Witchcraft. I am optimistic that I will find one.

This is in line with my self-discovery path. I feel that this is the correct direction to take. I have my values and my core beliefs written down, but my spirituality has suffered as of late. It must be regained.

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Bringing to Banishing: Changing a Spell


Most spells can be easily switched up to do the opposite of what they were initially intended.

Example: You have a money spell that specifies bringing money to you and is normally cast on a waxing moon phase. You miss the timing and now the moon is waning. What do you do.

You don't need to wait for a full month to do the spell. Just change it around. Make it a banishing spell. Banishing poverty or removing scarcity from your financial environment. Use the appropriate correspondences for banishment and removal and you have a spell that is perfect for the waning moon and still for what you were seeking.

*As always, a witch needs to know how to craft a spell before a witch can cast a spell*

Friday, May 27, 2016

Devil is in the details.

As I "troll" (move slowly through as in fishing) through the groups I belong to I am constantly reminded of some things that are my pet peeves of sorts. So let us begin.

Number on is a big one.  It is alt"A"r. It is NOT alt"E"r. The two words aren't even similes. Stop fucking typing the wrong word. It only makes you look more of a noob.

Next is the constant posting of "blessed be" this and that. I have asked how many actually know what it means and you would have thought I shot someones cat. It is not a greeting, or an way to answer a post. It is actually incomplete as well. There is a whole chant that goes with it.

Why is everyone an empath? Oh wait that is because we are fucking human beings and by default we are empathic. If you believe you can sense the emotions of others on a somewhat deep level then explore that and if it bothers you then stop it and even shield yourself from it. Take control of it, it is your ability after all. If you can only perceive the emotional state of another person then congratulations you are no more an empath then a granite stone is a quartz crystal. The ability to sense the emotions of another human been on a level deeper then just visually is not something that you really want to be doing or brag about. It can be tiring and a bother. After 20 years of being able to do it I have finally been able to not so much shield but allow it all to come in and filter it. I can still sense it but I acknowledge it and send it away.

Harm None, Law of 3 and fucking Karma.
No, No, and only if you are Hindu.

"Kind of new to this...", no you are not kind of new, you are are either new or not.

"I don't have a clue what I am doing but I want to do this complicated ritual and raise energies to cause a huge change in the natural order of things."

While this isn't a direct quote it does summarize what I have seen in so many posts in the groups on Facebook. People, mostly kids, posting that they want to do a spell or want a spell to cause this or that but have never so much as read a book or done anything else to learn about the craft.

Negative comment. Judgement comments. "You are attacking me!!!"

What the fuck? What is a negative comment and how the fuck do you make one? Judgement comments are a part of posting on Facebook. Just by commenting you are making a judgement on whether or not to post.

Attacking? JUST NO!!!

I am sure there will be more but this is just some of it.


Sunday, April 24, 2016

Creating a Ritual

In this blog post I will outline the steps for creating a ritual. This will only go up to the point right before the circle is cast to start the ritual.

This was past to me while I was in coven studying Wicca. It is not limited to Wiccan though.

Lets get started.

Several Weeks Before The Ritual

1. Meet with the others who will be involved in the ritual. This will be those in the community or coven members.
2. Come to an agreement about what the intent of the ritual will be and come up with a general outline.
3. Determine the gathering time and the ritual start time. The gathering time should be at least 2 hours prior to the actual ritual start to go over any fine points.
4. Write out the parts that members need to have memorized if that is going to be required.
5. Select the chants; choose the times for drumming; determine who will lead the chants and the dance.
6. The list says to appoint a High Priest and High Priestess, if you are in coven these will already be in place. Not every ritual will require the presence of a High Priest or High Priestess.
7. Create a list of supplies that will be needed for the ritual. Assign who will be getting which items. Examples - Candles, Incense, Offerings, etc.
8. Decide on the cakes and ale.
9. Determine who will be invited to the ritual and how you will invite them and tell them about the ritual. Who is invited will be determined by what kind of ritual it is. Many covens keep the Samhain rituals private because of the personal nature of connecting with the dead. Usually the best public rituals are the Esbats - Full Moon and New/Dark Moon.
10. Determine if special ritual clothing, jewelry, and tools will be required by attendees. This is also where you will determine if the ritual will be skyclad. This will also influence the previous step.
11. Finally - Start memorizing the ritual if that is required.

One Week Before The Ritual

1. Check in with the other members, go over the outline and strengthen any parts that need it.
2. Memorize more. (if required)
3. Find and clean all your ritual clothing, jewelry, and tools.
4. Determine what food you will be bringing to the potluck if there is one.
5. Find some time each day to meditate on the season, the Sabbat, the God and Goddess, and the reason for the ritual.

Preparation - Day Of The Ritual

1. For yourself:
  a. Pack everything
  b. Prepare food
  c. Take a ritual bath
  d. Arrive at the ritual space at the appointed time.

2. For the space:
  a. Mundanely clean the space and make it safe.
  b. Turn off audible distractions and cover up the visible ones.
  c. Set up altar, quarter markers, and lighting.
  d. Prepare cakes and ale.
  e. Smudge and Asperger the space.

3. For the participants:
  a. Greet the participants, tell them where to put things.
  b. Just before the ritual begins, explain the intent and structure of the ritual, teach the chants, answer questions. Be sure to silence all cellphones (vibrate is not advised because it can still be audible).
  c. Arrange for seating for those who need it.
  d. After the participants have been lined up to enter through the desired "gate", smudge, Asperger, and/or anoint with the desired oil.

This is just one of many possible ways to create a ritual. A "solitary" practitioner won't need so many steps and some times a spontaneous ritual is just fine.