Sunday, January 7, 2018

The other side of drug abuse and addiction

Or what people don't hear or know about from those of us who are partnered with the drug abuser or addict.

Drug Abuse - The habitual taking of addictive or illegal drugs.
Addiction - The fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, think or activity.
Addict - A person who is addicted to a particular substance, typically an illegal drug.

Late 2016 was the beginning of a downward time in my life. It started abruptly from my perspective. One day everything was fine and the next I was thrust into a sorted mess of addiction and abuse.

My partner, M and I lead a quite life here in Denver. He worked for a large international company in Aurora and I worked retail. We had made a good life for ourselves, we bought a house and were happy; or I thought. Little did I know what awaited me in the latter months of 2016. A downward spiral that almost saw us loose our house and lively hood.

Being the one who wasn't using meant I was the one who was left to maintain, everything. From that emerged ANGER, RESENTMENT, GUILT and FEAR. Let me explain and examine each one.

ANGER - This manifested in several ways and at different times over the month of use. I was angry at my partner. I was angry at our "friend". I was angry at the drug. I was angry at the dealer. I was angry at myself.
The anger at my partner and "friend" were pretty much the same. It was an anger that was directed at them the whole time, because they were in a place that they didn't care about anything but the drug. I was angry at the drug for doing what it was doing to my partner, changing him into someone I didn't recognise. The dealer for the same reason. The anger toward myself was because I didn't say, "enough", or "no". I was weak and wanted to see them happy, and didn't think of the cost.

RESENTMENT - Simply resenting him because I was stuck to manage the entire financial situations with the limited funds available after money was taken and used for the drug.

GUILT - This is mine personally. The guilt is very profound. It stems from not taking a stance on the use. Not doing something sooner to prevent it. Not just saying, "NO!".

FEAR - This is a powerful one. It motivated much of my inactivity during the months. I was fearful of loosing my partner if I was to say, "No more." I was fearful of violence stemming from the same. I was fearful of loosing everything we owned to the drug. I was fearful that I would ultimately loose my partner to the drug.

I think the saddest thing about all of this is the fact that the one using the drugs fails to see all that is going on outside the pipe and the torch. They don't see the hurt because the drug won't let them. They don't see the dark figure looming in the background just waiting for that moment when control is lost and they are his for the taking. They don't see the pain felt by others who see them change and become distant, wanting only the drug and those who can provide it. They don't see those of us who are left to pick up the pieces of our lives because we are afraid to loose them and ourselves.

After the use stops, those of us who sat outside the pipe find ridicule when we attempt to talk about what we went through. We are blamed for making it up, that they, "weren't like that", "I didn't do that", "don't blame me or that, you did it." We aren't allowed to discuss anything we had to go through because of the blaming, anger and changes to the users mental state.

Recovery options are always available to those that have used drugs. This a good thing, however, what options are there for those of us that have stood by and had to experience, the other side of drug use and addiction?


What is a witch? What does a witch look like?

Seemingly easy questions. No so simple answers to be sure. Just as there are millions of people on this planet there are equally hundreds of "versions" of what a witch is.
From Hollywood, to real life. Can you spot the real witches? How do you know there isn't one on the bus with you, flying in the same plane, eating in the booth behind you. Fact is that most of the time you won't know. Not every witch wears a pentacle or some other identifier.

So what does a witch look like?

Or this?
Maybe this?

You can see that a witch can and will look different from one person to the next. Hollywood created the stereotype with the Wicked Witch of the West. It is up to us to move past that and show what a witch really looks like.

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Now my search begins for a local group centered on Traditional Witchcraft. I am optimistic that I will find one.

This is in line with my self-discovery path. I feel that this is the correct direction to take. I have my values and my core beliefs written down, but my spirituality has suffered as of late. It must be regained.

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Changes and Live Developer Q&A with Ion Hazzikostas- 8/3/2017

Going to be changing things up with my blog as I change my focus in my life from the business we had to a more personal journaling system.  I will be cross-posting things that I like and find value in from other blogs and sources.

So in that vain I give you my first cross post. It is a video discussing the changes coming to World of Warcraft:Legion when the new patch drops. The patch is 7.3 and will lead us to Argus, the Legion home world.

This is one thing I find value in because it give me an escape and I make new friends.

Enjoy the Q&A.

Monday, March 13, 2017

Gardening Close to Home

I wrote this  a few years ago for a class I was taking. Thought it would still be of value.

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Bringing to Banishing: Changing a Spell


Most spells can be easily switched up to do the opposite of what they were initially intended.

Example: You have a money spell that specifies bringing money to you and is normally cast on a waxing moon phase. You miss the timing and now the moon is waning. What do you do.

You don't need to wait for a full month to do the spell. Just change it around. Make it a banishing spell. Banishing poverty or removing scarcity from your financial environment. Use the appropriate correspondences for banishment and removal and you have a spell that is perfect for the waning moon and still for what you were seeking.

*As always, a witch needs to know how to craft a spell before a witch can cast a spell*

Sunday, June 26, 2016

Misconceptions/Misinformation #1: Personal Gain By Todd Silva

Re-blogged from information found on Facebook. Credit to Todd Silva for the wonderful topic

I see this a lot in various groups, or some form of it..."Oh no, you can't charge people money for Tarot readings/spell work/(insert magical working here), that would violate the "personal gain rule".  Almost immediately the thread conversation polarizes into one group asking where that rule was written or where it came from and the other group agreeing and complaining that asking where it came from is an attack on their "beliefs".

Here comes the bluntness...There is no such rule.  Look, if a person does not want to charge a fee or be compensated for their magical workings, that's fine, I have no problem with that.  What I have a problem with is people not recognizing that as an individual choice.  I have a problem with those who mistakenly dress that personal choice up as some kind of "Pagan commandment" that must be followed by anyone who wants to be considered a "real Pagan".  As is the case with so much misinformation within the Pagan Community, many who believe this, do so only because they are parroting something someone else told them or what they read on a website run by someone who were themselves misinformed.

So let's be clear...there is no "rule".  There is a personal choice.  The largest source for this idea that it is an actual rule (in other words the source that the most people heard this from) is the TV show called "Charmed".  It was a fun show, I enjoyed it.  But I enjoyed it for what it was...a FICTIONAL show that was a supernatural fantasy genre piece.  The "no personal gain rule" existed for the Halliwell sisters because it was needed as a plot control device.  Without that "rule" in their fictional universe then the answer to almost every single financial or personal problem they ran into would be, "cast a spell" and thus the sub-plot about Phoebe needing to get a job would be over very quickly.  Real life does not have the need of such plot devices...nor does it have the kind of magic that the fictional Halliwells could wield.

Though I am not certain that "Charmed" is the actual first source for the "no personal gain" concept, I have no doubt that it is one of the primary reasons that it is passed around the Pagan Community and represented as some kind of "rule" or requirement.  The plain and simple fact is though...there is no such rule.  There is a personal choice and no matter what a practitioner chooses, to charge a fee or not charge a fee for their workings, it has no bearing what so ever on whether they are a "real Pagan" or "real Witch" or real anything. 

My personal opinion...why would someone NOT charge at least some kind of fee, be it money or trade for something else, for something they worked hard on and has to use their skills to create?  Although some artists do indeed post their art for free for all to see, many if approached and asked for a specific drawing of something will charge some form of commission to do that work.  If I were a craftsman who was very adept at making, for example, furniture, I would not just build pieces and hand them out to anyone who came along.  I especially would not work for free if the person came to me with specific requests for a certain design.  Again, there would be a commission.  So, seeing as I was not born out of the womb reading Tarot and casting spells (oh, believe me that will be another entry in this series) and I had to work hard to learn how to do those things, I have no problem with charging some form of compensation to those who approach me and ask me to use those skills to create something for them or do something for them.

Agree?  Disagree?  Have a different take on this topic?  Use the comment section to discuss this.